Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Robot Themed Birthday Party + Free Pintables!
Emry turned 4!!!! My how time has past! We had a TON of fun celebrating, I asked Emry a few months ago what he wanted for his cake and all he said was gumballs (last year we had a gymball machine cake) and I told him we could use gumballs but that the cake needed to BE something, and after lots of ideas he stuck with a Robot theme! On our trip to Florida I stumbled upon the first season of the Jetsons at cracker Barrel 80% off, not sure if the boys would like it, but they were GLUED!!! But we had SO MUCH fun planning his Robot themed birthday! The day went awesome, we had all our family and some friends come and celebreate with us, I know Emry felt blessed and special! The day ended with so much excitment we all couldn't sleep, but then it quickly morphed into me laying in bed, crying myself a puddle as Josh held me tight, as I realize time isn't stopping. You can easily ignore every single one of those 364 days of the year he's 3, 3, 3, 3,then in ONE day he grows a whole year older to 4. I love being his mom!
This is his Robot Birthday Cake, I asked him what kind of cake he wanted and he said Strawberry, so I made a new reicpie I hadn't tried before. I baked it in a 9x13 pan, cut 3-4 inches off the top and 3-4 inches off the bottom, then flipped the bigger middle chest piece part 90 degrees and assembled to frost. I tinted the forsting with a steel blue, a small amount. I used peach rings for eyes with 2 blue M&Ms, Dum Dums OR mini toostie pops for his ears, fruit flavored colored twizzlers for the blue square outline in the center and the green on above his wheels, gumballs for his 'buttons' as Emry called them, Oreos for his wheels and all the rest of the red was Pull & Peel Twizzlers/String! Emry and I had a lot of fun decorated it!!!
for the 'tablecloth' I found this SUPER cute robot wrapping paper, bought a white tablecloth then lay the wrapping paper on top of it, if you're worried about ruining it (which I wasn't) you could throw a clear tablecloth on top of it but I didn't think it was needed for a couple hours.
I made a PDF of these exact signs I made and I asked my awesome smarty pants brother in law to somehow make it downloadable online so I could share it with you guys, so here's the link to the signs I made: Fee Robot Party Signs PDF . If you're wanting to make different ones to match or more I used the dingbats font: Tombots for the cute little random robots at the top Click here for free Tombots font , then used the font: Destructo Beam BB for the wording Click Here for free Destructo Beam BB Font. The chips and dip was the most popular I found out Hy-vee brand potato chips taste identical to Lays/Ruffles- whew. The nuts and bolts was simple trail mix I threw together of: raisens, cherrios, pretzel sticks, rest of m&ms from the cake, square chex cereal and peanuts.
I was looking for anything in the cracker aisle that resembled 'gears' and I found these Mini Ritz crackers, they are super thin and little, but I thought they fit the part perfect! So many people eating them then asked what they were cause they're addictingly good! :o)
Found this blog on Pinterest, she has created an amazingly cute package of free robot birthday party printables with endless possibilities to use them with, Here's the bottled water wrappers we printed off, aren't they cute?! Click Here for PDF Robot Printables
these are compliments of my mother...a.k.a. grandma :o) she's the best! aren't they adorable?!?
The Happy birthday banner, made of felt that I have hung up every single year for every kid.
These are the prizes people won for the games, one prize was a robot arm that picked up things I found it at target for a couple bucks at the end of the isle- perfect! Then the other two was a 5 lb. gigantic real gummy bear I found at Party City and then a blow up guitar. The tags were printed off from the PDF file, these tags could be used for favor bags as well! Super Cute! Here's the link again in case you don't wan to scroll back up: Click Here for Free Robot Birthday Printables
Then these square robot dudes are in that free printable PDF as well, I didn't know what to do with them, she suggested you print them as stickers and use a circle die cut to punch them out but I thought glueing them back to back on simple ribbon would make a cute streamer decoration at the entrance of the toy room :o)
The star of the day!!! He was so excited!! I forgot to get a picture of him with his parents :/ whats new.
So excited in fact before I even got done lighting the candles he was already starting his own song of 'happy birthday to me' as everyone laughed then joined in :o)
I let him place his candles wherever he wanted ;o)
Then we played 'Pin the Heart on the Robot'! Here's Emry havin a go at it!
and then his cousin Kaelyn!
My hubby is such a great artist, I told him I wanted a huge robot drawn onto paper and he made this all by his awesome self!!! He even cut out all the hearts! The kids loved the game, and Eden won! The other game we played but I don't have any pictures of is this: Famous Robots Matching Game Free Printable I thought it was good to get the adults invovled and I didn't think this was super easy either- I like a good challenge. Beware when you print it off, for every one that you print off you'll get an answer key that looks almost identical with it. I just printed them all off then handed out the stack, so every other person got the answer key, but luckily I swiped them all back before anyone noticed! haha!
the kids were dieing to get outside and play so out they went!! I was so thankful it wasn't freezing like last year! :)
Present Time!! It was a sea of presents, kids, wrapping paper and smiles :o)
Him with his Vikings Jersey he got from grammy!
Pinata Time!!! His birthday is at a perfect time of the year to use ALL that halloween candy in his birthday pinata! Every year we do a pinata for his birthday, it's a birthday staple, so we got this transformers one at Party City and got a discount cause it was falling apart! yes! You're supposed to use the string behind it to pull them, and the lucky kid who pulls the right string breaks it open, but I thought that was just plain boring- I mean who ever invented that idea. dumb. where's the fun in that? So I clipped off 'THEE' string and left the rest as decoration.... Emry says he wants to make his own next year! ;o) Here's Israel knockin away at it!
It took about 4 rounds of 10 kids to finally have us rip it open, it was sooooo much fun. lots of laughter. I asked Emry was what his favorite part of the party and he said 'The Pinata!' Happy Birthday Emry! Love you!!!!!!
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Friday, November 4, 2011
Alrighty, I know many of you have been so patient, everyone who has been praying and supporting us more than we would even imagine. We have the best of friends, the best of strangers, the best of family, all the above. I know you all have been sitting on the edge of your seat wanting to know an update, I hear of the anxiety in all different ways, and am reminding how much people truely care and know that we're truely blessed.
A couple weeks ago, our agency withdrew. Ran away, lost heart, gave up, stopped, forgot what was important, forgot about all that's worth and in the end told us it wasn't about heart, it wasn't about what was right, and they said that it came down to it wasn't good business sense to go any further.We tried everything, talking with our lawyer and such. The way the system is set up and the way the case is going we can't get to him. I know a lot of this doesn't make sense, quite frankly every conversation I would have with our agency in the end I'd walk away in total confusion. What we would think was right, didn't end up being their same thoughts. Even though we offered to pay for everything and all fees from here on out, they did not want to put in the extra effort. Many would say I would never be sitting here writing this letter had they shown up to the last court case, the only reason it was extended was because of them, then because of them they weren't willing to show up. They mocked us in the end. They told us that when we get our finances 'together' to come back to them. Little did they know we had all the money. They just would never give us a guarantee that they would show up to the court case.
I have written this post a million times, both typed and in my head, and I never make it sound the way I want it to. Maybe because God isn't done writing on my heart. He never is really. My heart aches for the agencies actions, my heart aches for Ellson's future, my heart aches for all the labor pains that never end. I rejoice because my God is such a GREAT God, I am joyful because HE will never fail me. Sometimes it seems so raw it's like yesterday and sometimes it seems so distant I have to remind myself He wasn't a dream. I think I've embraced it but then at the same time I have completely avoided putting away all his clothes and things in his room. Everything sits untouched, even his suitcase from our trip to Florida. The part that has been so patient and been waiting and waiting, still feels as though I should still wait. Emry's faith in God is rock solid and we can't bear to tell him Ellson won't be his brother. Since he never saw his face, I'm praying that whomever God places in our family, Emry thinks is Ellson and knows he has prayed for him from the very beginning. I don't want him to lose hope or stop praying for him, because I know his little self can do great and mighty things with it. It took Josh and I a while to really talk about it, for a while we'd 'talk about it' through people questions as they would come in, I know Josh was hurting but he was trying his hardest to protect me.
Really, even though it may appear to be painful, I still wouldn't chose any other adventure to have endured. In a heartbeat, I would pick up from the beginning again and do it all over with the same outcome if asked of me. What I do know is we did everything He asked of me. We jumped when he said jump and we gave our all. If anything I am confident in that. I don't regret going with the agency we did, I know without a doubt God led us to them. I don't regret a single thing that happened. I was so blessed to see God is such an amazing way, I would welcome the pain again, just to be in His presence like that. I jokingly say to people, I feel like I grew up by 10 more years when we came back from Flordia. We both clammed up and had a hard time getting back to the flow of 'normal life' upon return. We felt we had traveled so far, not in distance, but on our journey, we see things completely different. I've seen how beautiful it is when you're stripped of everything, all control, all direction- how God shows up and directs your way. You THINK you've seen it, but you really havn't. And quite frankly, it has only left a yearning to be that near to Him always- to give up whatever I have to, home and all- if God was asking, because a life of control and non-desperation surely blocks your view of so much. From all of it God molded our hearts and brought us closer to Him- surely if that was all that was 'accomplished' that was then worth it's weight in gold and beyond. God's definition of success doesn't mean that we walk away with Ellson in our arms- the question we have to ask ourselves is would we still be just as sucessful if we didn't get he outcome we wanted. And the answer is- yes. Success is hearing God tugging on your heart and simply saying 'Yes! I will Lord, Yes I will.' Sucess is being obiediant, no matter what pain or loss may come. I don't feel like I could ever say 100% that he HAD to be with us, because the God who sings Ellson to sleep everynight is the same God who knows better than I. even though all my knowledge of Ellson's situation doesn't seem so great, I HAVE to know that through the Devil's workings- what he intends for evil God intends for Good. God will always play the last card, even in a situation where it seems like the devil had his way- God always trumps him. God streched and molded us a lot- to come to a point where I was able to lose control of wanting to know the outcome. God was asking me- Diana, I will do great and mighty things through your journey, would you still be faithful and never lose heart even if you never saw a reason for it, or an outcome. Even if you grew into old age and died until the effects of your actions ever rippled the tide and were seen- would you be okay with that? Everything in our life can be so conviently taken care of NOW, everything's fast, information at our fingertips, we have the recsources to do anything we want to accomplish really. But would you give up all you have, spend all 'your' money, cry every night in heartache and jump to places so foriegn,......then never able to say 'this is why' even until you die. And through all of the mess, I say yes.
I think about it alot, I pray and ask God that someday, even if Ellson is 30 years old, that I would be able to see him and give him a hug. To be able to tell him of his story through our eyes, to tell him that we LOVE him so much and that we always did. To tell him that we prayed for him his whole life, for his safety for his protection and for him to be drawn ever so close to God. How utterly awesome would that be?
I struggled at first trying to see how others would see all this mess looking in and not be discouraged or dissapointed. I know I'm a lot like my dad, built with a lot of pride, I want to be used, to hopefully maybe give someone the courage to step out and jump, and I felt the only example I had shown was one that people would want to run far away from. I want so badly for those whom havn't waded the waters we went through to look at our story and want to walk through the trench in victory, and maybe I still feel people won't see any victory in it. Maybe they'll say 'told you so', 'you should have known' 'that doesn't make any sense', I dunno, the devil trys to make you believe all sorts of things. Some days I believe it but most days I don't.
I feel previleded and blessed that God has revealed that we are all his children, I am just the same as Ellson, and my biological children are no different. Being sons and daughters of God we are ALL TRUELY sisters and brothers- not metaphorically- really physically! Think of it, when you really grasp that your neighbor next door is just the same of a brother or sister as the ones you grew up with- wouldn't you look at life a little differently? treat people differently? Would decisons that seem 'tough to make' in our flesh, seem so tough if you relized there is no difference? You would probably in heartbeat do anything for your family, take them in if needed, cloth them, feed them. Why is it such a hard and painstaking decision to make to decide to 'adopt' a child into your family? I know there are so many people burdened by this, and I believe that God doesn't use adoption as a 'second option' in these children's lives, adoption was designed by God from the very beginning- WE ARE ALL ADOPTED into HIS family. Our heavenly father- who is physically our father in every aspect has called us His own, we come with heavy baggage, burdens hearts, screwed up attitudes- yet he STILL WANTS us- and no matter how many times we run from him, there will NEVER be a point He would stop loving us. You think God doesn't see how diffucult we are? how much a risk we are? how prone to wonder we are? But the decision is simple for Him, He sent his son Jesus to earth just to show us how much we're wanted. through all our sin, he saw how important and precious we truely are. He knew Jesus would go through life hated and in the end be put to death by us- but he did that so he could show us how much we're loved. This isn't methaphorical here- Jesus is litterally God's son! Do you get that? Do you really grasp the amount of sacrifice that takes? And for us. I mean, look at us- we're don't guarantee God anything! Yet he guarentees everything.
All these children out there, every child in foster care, so many of them NEVER getting a family to love them. They have been rejected by so many of us. Yet they are your children, just as they are mine because we are all God's children. God made you and formed your heart just for this. Bloodlines don't matter for we are all from the same bloodline, race doesn't matter for we all are part of the human race stemmed from Adam and Eve, The amount of bedrooms in your home, the seats in your car, how much more food to buy doesn't matter. God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called! And believe me, Equip he will!
All that to say, that from here on out, that I am so glad God brought us through that entire process. We are more than ready to give of anything of ourselves, our home, our money. Decisions don't seem so painstaking anymore, because once you go that far, once you risk so much, once you lose all control and direction- you realize it's actually better on the other side. Oh so so so beautiful it is.You'll see a God like none other and you'll never want to go back. God has never left us, and even through our tears and feelings of defeat, we'll go to a resturant and the manager will say she has picked up our bill and it's free, that's happened a few times. Minor probably in most eyes, but how comforting to know that God is gently always whispering 'I have never left you.'
We know what we're to do and as much as the devil wants defeat to creep in, we are following God's direction. Through Ellson, we have come to see the realities of the foster care system and he has opened our eyes and hearts to such a great need that it holds. Within days of our agency backing out, I sat there in our lawn (thanking God we live in the middle of no where) with the music cranked up coming out of the car, me in the grass, screaming for strength. Not wanting to give up and not knowing how to go forward. He said the words, foster care over and over and over. Josh brought a pizza home that night and before he could get a word in, I spouted abruptly and frankly 'I think God wants us to become foster parents.' And my awesome, most pure hearted husband and best friend simply said 'I'm in!'
So adoption from foster care, foster parents or both we're not sure what will happen but that's where our hands and feet are now. And I only hope it isn't easy so that we can learn so much more.
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A couple weeks ago, our agency withdrew. Ran away, lost heart, gave up, stopped, forgot what was important, forgot about all that's worth and in the end told us it wasn't about heart, it wasn't about what was right, and they said that it came down to it wasn't good business sense to go any further.We tried everything, talking with our lawyer and such. The way the system is set up and the way the case is going we can't get to him. I know a lot of this doesn't make sense, quite frankly every conversation I would have with our agency in the end I'd walk away in total confusion. What we would think was right, didn't end up being their same thoughts. Even though we offered to pay for everything and all fees from here on out, they did not want to put in the extra effort. Many would say I would never be sitting here writing this letter had they shown up to the last court case, the only reason it was extended was because of them, then because of them they weren't willing to show up. They mocked us in the end. They told us that when we get our finances 'together' to come back to them. Little did they know we had all the money. They just would never give us a guarantee that they would show up to the court case.
I have written this post a million times, both typed and in my head, and I never make it sound the way I want it to. Maybe because God isn't done writing on my heart. He never is really. My heart aches for the agencies actions, my heart aches for Ellson's future, my heart aches for all the labor pains that never end. I rejoice because my God is such a GREAT God, I am joyful because HE will never fail me. Sometimes it seems so raw it's like yesterday and sometimes it seems so distant I have to remind myself He wasn't a dream. I think I've embraced it but then at the same time I have completely avoided putting away all his clothes and things in his room. Everything sits untouched, even his suitcase from our trip to Florida. The part that has been so patient and been waiting and waiting, still feels as though I should still wait. Emry's faith in God is rock solid and we can't bear to tell him Ellson won't be his brother. Since he never saw his face, I'm praying that whomever God places in our family, Emry thinks is Ellson and knows he has prayed for him from the very beginning. I don't want him to lose hope or stop praying for him, because I know his little self can do great and mighty things with it. It took Josh and I a while to really talk about it, for a while we'd 'talk about it' through people questions as they would come in, I know Josh was hurting but he was trying his hardest to protect me.
Really, even though it may appear to be painful, I still wouldn't chose any other adventure to have endured. In a heartbeat, I would pick up from the beginning again and do it all over with the same outcome if asked of me. What I do know is we did everything He asked of me. We jumped when he said jump and we gave our all. If anything I am confident in that. I don't regret going with the agency we did, I know without a doubt God led us to them. I don't regret a single thing that happened. I was so blessed to see God is such an amazing way, I would welcome the pain again, just to be in His presence like that. I jokingly say to people, I feel like I grew up by 10 more years when we came back from Flordia. We both clammed up and had a hard time getting back to the flow of 'normal life' upon return. We felt we had traveled so far, not in distance, but on our journey, we see things completely different. I've seen how beautiful it is when you're stripped of everything, all control, all direction- how God shows up and directs your way. You THINK you've seen it, but you really havn't. And quite frankly, it has only left a yearning to be that near to Him always- to give up whatever I have to, home and all- if God was asking, because a life of control and non-desperation surely blocks your view of so much. From all of it God molded our hearts and brought us closer to Him- surely if that was all that was 'accomplished' that was then worth it's weight in gold and beyond. God's definition of success doesn't mean that we walk away with Ellson in our arms- the question we have to ask ourselves is would we still be just as sucessful if we didn't get he outcome we wanted. And the answer is- yes. Success is hearing God tugging on your heart and simply saying 'Yes! I will Lord, Yes I will.' Sucess is being obiediant, no matter what pain or loss may come. I don't feel like I could ever say 100% that he HAD to be with us, because the God who sings Ellson to sleep everynight is the same God who knows better than I. even though all my knowledge of Ellson's situation doesn't seem so great, I HAVE to know that through the Devil's workings- what he intends for evil God intends for Good. God will always play the last card, even in a situation where it seems like the devil had his way- God always trumps him. God streched and molded us a lot- to come to a point where I was able to lose control of wanting to know the outcome. God was asking me- Diana, I will do great and mighty things through your journey, would you still be faithful and never lose heart even if you never saw a reason for it, or an outcome. Even if you grew into old age and died until the effects of your actions ever rippled the tide and were seen- would you be okay with that? Everything in our life can be so conviently taken care of NOW, everything's fast, information at our fingertips, we have the recsources to do anything we want to accomplish really. But would you give up all you have, spend all 'your' money, cry every night in heartache and jump to places so foriegn,......then never able to say 'this is why' even until you die. And through all of the mess, I say yes.
I think about it alot, I pray and ask God that someday, even if Ellson is 30 years old, that I would be able to see him and give him a hug. To be able to tell him of his story through our eyes, to tell him that we LOVE him so much and that we always did. To tell him that we prayed for him his whole life, for his safety for his protection and for him to be drawn ever so close to God. How utterly awesome would that be?
I struggled at first trying to see how others would see all this mess looking in and not be discouraged or dissapointed. I know I'm a lot like my dad, built with a lot of pride, I want to be used, to hopefully maybe give someone the courage to step out and jump, and I felt the only example I had shown was one that people would want to run far away from. I want so badly for those whom havn't waded the waters we went through to look at our story and want to walk through the trench in victory, and maybe I still feel people won't see any victory in it. Maybe they'll say 'told you so', 'you should have known' 'that doesn't make any sense', I dunno, the devil trys to make you believe all sorts of things. Some days I believe it but most days I don't.
I feel previleded and blessed that God has revealed that we are all his children, I am just the same as Ellson, and my biological children are no different. Being sons and daughters of God we are ALL TRUELY sisters and brothers- not metaphorically- really physically! Think of it, when you really grasp that your neighbor next door is just the same of a brother or sister as the ones you grew up with- wouldn't you look at life a little differently? treat people differently? Would decisons that seem 'tough to make' in our flesh, seem so tough if you relized there is no difference? You would probably in heartbeat do anything for your family, take them in if needed, cloth them, feed them. Why is it such a hard and painstaking decision to make to decide to 'adopt' a child into your family? I know there are so many people burdened by this, and I believe that God doesn't use adoption as a 'second option' in these children's lives, adoption was designed by God from the very beginning- WE ARE ALL ADOPTED into HIS family. Our heavenly father- who is physically our father in every aspect has called us His own, we come with heavy baggage, burdens hearts, screwed up attitudes- yet he STILL WANTS us- and no matter how many times we run from him, there will NEVER be a point He would stop loving us. You think God doesn't see how diffucult we are? how much a risk we are? how prone to wonder we are? But the decision is simple for Him, He sent his son Jesus to earth just to show us how much we're wanted. through all our sin, he saw how important and precious we truely are. He knew Jesus would go through life hated and in the end be put to death by us- but he did that so he could show us how much we're loved. This isn't methaphorical here- Jesus is litterally God's son! Do you get that? Do you really grasp the amount of sacrifice that takes? And for us. I mean, look at us- we're don't guarantee God anything! Yet he guarentees everything.
All these children out there, every child in foster care, so many of them NEVER getting a family to love them. They have been rejected by so many of us. Yet they are your children, just as they are mine because we are all God's children. God made you and formed your heart just for this. Bloodlines don't matter for we are all from the same bloodline, race doesn't matter for we all are part of the human race stemmed from Adam and Eve, The amount of bedrooms in your home, the seats in your car, how much more food to buy doesn't matter. God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called! And believe me, Equip he will!
All that to say, that from here on out, that I am so glad God brought us through that entire process. We are more than ready to give of anything of ourselves, our home, our money. Decisions don't seem so painstaking anymore, because once you go that far, once you risk so much, once you lose all control and direction- you realize it's actually better on the other side. Oh so so so beautiful it is.You'll see a God like none other and you'll never want to go back. God has never left us, and even through our tears and feelings of defeat, we'll go to a resturant and the manager will say she has picked up our bill and it's free, that's happened a few times. Minor probably in most eyes, but how comforting to know that God is gently always whispering 'I have never left you.'
We know what we're to do and as much as the devil wants defeat to creep in, we are following God's direction. Through Ellson, we have come to see the realities of the foster care system and he has opened our eyes and hearts to such a great need that it holds. Within days of our agency backing out, I sat there in our lawn (thanking God we live in the middle of no where) with the music cranked up coming out of the car, me in the grass, screaming for strength. Not wanting to give up and not knowing how to go forward. He said the words, foster care over and over and over. Josh brought a pizza home that night and before he could get a word in, I spouted abruptly and frankly 'I think God wants us to become foster parents.' And my awesome, most pure hearted husband and best friend simply said 'I'm in!'
So adoption from foster care, foster parents or both we're not sure what will happen but that's where our hands and feet are now. And I only hope it isn't easy so that we can learn so much more.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
The Pricetag of Life
So, a quick recap of the last LONG post before I update again- everything would have been over and done with on Monday and we'd probably be on our way home now with him, but 1 person got sick and wasn't able to attend the hearing on Monday, so the judge said she could not rule for him to be release from foster care until she heard this person testify. So our lawyer was trying to set up one last hearing to finish this all as soon as possible!
And enter new update........
So a few days later our lawyer called and said the soonest they could get another court hearing is- Oct. 31st. sigh. frustrating of course, that's another month. So much flies through my mind, often people's comments are the first time I've thought of such- like when someone said he'll be close to 6 months then. The wait doesn't bother me, until I hear that. sure it gets to me, thinking of missing so much. Thinking of all the bonding time lost, praying he knows me as mom when the day comes that he's here. He's never known his birthmother, he was born in a horrible place, and within hours that God breathed the breath of life within him, he was placed in foster care. That's all he's ever known, to him his foster mother is- his mother. He is completely unaware of everything he's been through and all he's yet to go through, and unware how insanely loved he is by us. Yet everyday I know God has him securely in His hands. I pray for his foster parents, praying they have awesome hearts, and praying for the transition for them a well, as each month it's prolonged that it gets that much harder for them to say good-bye I'm sure. All of this is too much to take on and how great, how awesome to know GOD is in control.
The very next day after hearing from our lawyer, we heard from our agency. I was taking a nap with the boys and I awoke to our adversary waging an all out assault. Our agency said, they had been pondering for a while now what to do about money- at this point there is no financial risk to us until the judge rules on the 31st, but the agency has been taking on every single fee and bill since the beginning of this battle. They initially when this started thought it would be a cheaper adoption, because there would be no birth mother costs, but no one could have imagined HOW many court hearings it would actually take to get him, and once we have him, they still don't stop there. Our agency wanted our input, wanted to know what they should do, as they said they couldn't financially go further unless we agreed to help share in the costs. They said they couldn't give us a number yet, and had no idea how much it was going to be, but they felt like we were an extraordinary couple to go to such great lengths for a child we've never seen, and they didn't feel it was right to give up. so basically they couldn't continue further unless we agreed to help share the costs, that might possibly (in their words) get so costly that we may not even be able to afford the adoption after paying the lawer fees.
breath.
I can't explain how badly I wanted to scream. Was this God? Was this the Devil?? Who??? Is this the devil working at hard as he possibly can because I'm pretty sure the day we hoped in the car to go to Flordia we were moved from his 'person's of interest's list' to his THREAT list, must pull out all stops to stop this crazy couple who won't stop, keeping obeying, praying, and leaping with huge faith. Or was this a 'sign' a 'closed door' that the path of our journey is changing, morphing into something else. Take the money out of it, take the time, and everything else- ALL I want is to do what God wants us to do, because then NOTHING is too great for Him- money doesn't stand a chance, it's but a raindrop. I cried, lots, cause it was like a battle within me- God asking me Do you really believe that I can do this? I cried cause, of course, we're not made of money, who is? Money has a way of binding us, and taking a hold of us because- it's security, it's survival. Yet just yesterday I was exclaiming to the rooftops- HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD?! $11,000 dollars came through our mailbox- how could such a thing EVER happen without God??? He is MIGHTY to save- our money is not ours, he is the GIVER, and it is HE who sustains us, HE all the SECURITY we'll ever need and surely a God who can part the Red Sea and move mountains is the kind of God who easily takes care of a mountain of money. I thought, what kind of christian does that make me if we say 'opps sorry I had enough faith to say we don't have $20,000 dollars, and you provided it within a month, But God, let me tell you, if that number is doubled then, nope sorry the faith stops there.?!?!?' just doesn't make sense. I thought I would shutter to see Jesus' face to face in heaven, not feeling like I jumped when he said 'jump further' if we said 'no'. (these are all my thoughts that help my heart sort out of is of the devil and what is of God). Sometimes you can only go on the 'gut' feelings God gives you, and my gut feeling was this couldn't be God closing a door, because it was allllll about money. A friend pointed out, that God had prepared our hearts for that very day. Honestly, I hate to admit it, but would we have continued had God not miraculously shown his power through money already. That super sneaky guy- He knew what he was doing- every single check that came in not only provided but PREPARED out hearts to jump harder in faith- knowing without one doubt He'll be there to catch us at the bottom.
although, I sound super confident now, I wasn't so in that very moment or even that very day- those words come from a few days later, but we were more or less pleading then. The word 'groaning' came to my mind then, and i thought Lord I know you have a verse for me with that word in it but I never looked it up. Just right now as I type up this post, I typed in 'groan' in search for scripture, and I found it. I can't begin to describe how perfect this verse is. I'm speechless for God' love.
'We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.' Romans 8:22-26
The very next day, and I'm still not sure how it happened, despite me truely knowing that the whole money thing was a ploy of the devil to get us to stop- somehow I was semi-convinced he should be with his birthmother. I even told somebody I didn't think we'd come home with him, ever. (shame, low point) I was 'feeling' bad, and the Devil knows my weaknesses, we have no know specific information up to this point, only bleeps of things here and there, with no way to connect all of them. So much is confidential.We had blindly walked in faith up to this point and God knew the devil was throwing my heart a curveball, so God made a move. He wanted us to continue to walk in confidence for Ellson's sake, and to press on but I was't sure on that then. He laid it all out one morning as I was feeding the kids breakfast, I don't really know how to share this story and make it public all while protecting Ellson's heart for the future-so bear with me as you assume the rest, haha- but let's just say we knew what the mother's face looked like, lots of things are made public on the state's correctional website, you just have to seek and find- so God gave me some mad research skills that morning, and I was able to come across loads of information about her. We knew it was bad, but we weren't necessarily prepared for how bad the situation really was, and the extent of how far and how deep of a life she was/is living. Instantly, it's as if God renewed our strength, and said- no matter what you can't give up. Don't lose heart, for my child cannot return to these people. He needs you, he relies on you, and you have to do everything you can to keep fighting.
So, I don't care what it takes, even if it takes things unimaginable or impossible- we will cling to God and let him take us where He leads. USE US, MOLD US, STRETCH OUR LIMITS, PUSH US TO UNCOMFORTABLE PLACES! Ellson is a child of His- ever so loved and ever so wanted- and nothing means more to God than having him safe! Everyone asks if we got to see him while we were down there, and no we didn't, we understand he is being protected and we want the same for him- consistency. But it's okay right now because my love for him run ever so deep that I don't need to see his face to know that. And that kinda love- can never be shaken. He is worth it, every child is worth it.
Just as I was hitting 'publish' to this post, my husband called. Our agency says they are getting the lawyer fees bill in the mail soon and that now they are saying they need to be paid before the 31st or they aren't going any further. The lawyer office has estimated the bill to be about $20,000. breath. Right now our agency is responsible for allllll those fees, but if we want to continue further they are all our bills. Then we have to pay for the $22,000 adoption fee on top of that. I'm trying really hard right now to meet them in the middle and work out a deal since the agency has to pay the bills anyways, but no ones budging right now. And they don't want to continue to the 31st date of actually getting him because they say they can't afford to accrue even more costs. I know it doesn't make sense. I feel like I was desparate before but..... we're at a cross-roads and I'm crying out to Jesus more than ever......we either 1. say we'll pay and hope the agency will pay some of it and we'll pay a good chunk of the lawyer fees, and that would take up all the money we have right now with nothing left. And continue to pray for an even larger miracle- for something, somewhere to come out the woodwork- for the $22,000 more we need. OR 2. We stop, we give up, our agency pulls out of the hearing on the 31st, they pay their $20,000 bill, the baby stays in foster care because it's already a fact he CAN'T be with his mother- with no one to adopt him in sight the only other option is to see if in a couple years if the supposed father 'attends classes' for a few years he MIGHT get him back, but I know what he's like, and he won't and it's obvious no one wants Ellson with him. Most likely, Ellson will grow up in foster care for at least 3 more years maybe more, until then he can be hopefully adopted from the state by someone else. But I really can't stomach that thought right now.
Isn't it funny how the devil works, THE MINUTE words fly out of my mouth (or fingers) he wants to TEST and distroy what I've said, every stinkin time I claim something I'm not fearful about he throws a big curveball in that specific direction- because he knows what would happen- he knows the type of man we would mold Ellson to be, the Christ-like heart he would behold not just impacting him, but impacting his children, and their children, and their children's children- It could be that the devil sees even a few generations down the road from Ellson, what would become of them if he was placed in our family and everything single one of those hearts are being fought for. This battle goes beyond us as parents and him as a child, this case has eternal implications as well as physical ones.
We have a brand new, football field sized, pole building on our property that we inherited when we moved here- I know the price to build it was around $30,000- anyone know if we can sell it or how? It's the only thing we own of worth.
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And enter new update........
So a few days later our lawyer called and said the soonest they could get another court hearing is- Oct. 31st. sigh. frustrating of course, that's another month. So much flies through my mind, often people's comments are the first time I've thought of such- like when someone said he'll be close to 6 months then. The wait doesn't bother me, until I hear that. sure it gets to me, thinking of missing so much. Thinking of all the bonding time lost, praying he knows me as mom when the day comes that he's here. He's never known his birthmother, he was born in a horrible place, and within hours that God breathed the breath of life within him, he was placed in foster care. That's all he's ever known, to him his foster mother is- his mother. He is completely unaware of everything he's been through and all he's yet to go through, and unware how insanely loved he is by us. Yet everyday I know God has him securely in His hands. I pray for his foster parents, praying they have awesome hearts, and praying for the transition for them a well, as each month it's prolonged that it gets that much harder for them to say good-bye I'm sure. All of this is too much to take on and how great, how awesome to know GOD is in control.
The very next day after hearing from our lawyer, we heard from our agency. I was taking a nap with the boys and I awoke to our adversary waging an all out assault. Our agency said, they had been pondering for a while now what to do about money- at this point there is no financial risk to us until the judge rules on the 31st, but the agency has been taking on every single fee and bill since the beginning of this battle. They initially when this started thought it would be a cheaper adoption, because there would be no birth mother costs, but no one could have imagined HOW many court hearings it would actually take to get him, and once we have him, they still don't stop there. Our agency wanted our input, wanted to know what they should do, as they said they couldn't financially go further unless we agreed to help share in the costs. They said they couldn't give us a number yet, and had no idea how much it was going to be, but they felt like we were an extraordinary couple to go to such great lengths for a child we've never seen, and they didn't feel it was right to give up. so basically they couldn't continue further unless we agreed to help share the costs, that might possibly (in their words) get so costly that we may not even be able to afford the adoption after paying the lawer fees.
breath.
I can't explain how badly I wanted to scream. Was this God? Was this the Devil?? Who??? Is this the devil working at hard as he possibly can because I'm pretty sure the day we hoped in the car to go to Flordia we were moved from his 'person's of interest's list' to his THREAT list, must pull out all stops to stop this crazy couple who won't stop, keeping obeying, praying, and leaping with huge faith. Or was this a 'sign' a 'closed door' that the path of our journey is changing, morphing into something else. Take the money out of it, take the time, and everything else- ALL I want is to do what God wants us to do, because then NOTHING is too great for Him- money doesn't stand a chance, it's but a raindrop. I cried, lots, cause it was like a battle within me- God asking me Do you really believe that I can do this? I cried cause, of course, we're not made of money, who is? Money has a way of binding us, and taking a hold of us because- it's security, it's survival. Yet just yesterday I was exclaiming to the rooftops- HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD?! $11,000 dollars came through our mailbox- how could such a thing EVER happen without God??? He is MIGHTY to save- our money is not ours, he is the GIVER, and it is HE who sustains us, HE all the SECURITY we'll ever need and surely a God who can part the Red Sea and move mountains is the kind of God who easily takes care of a mountain of money. I thought, what kind of christian does that make me if we say 'opps sorry I had enough faith to say we don't have $20,000 dollars, and you provided it within a month, But God, let me tell you, if that number is doubled then, nope sorry the faith stops there.?!?!?' just doesn't make sense. I thought I would shutter to see Jesus' face to face in heaven, not feeling like I jumped when he said 'jump further' if we said 'no'. (these are all my thoughts that help my heart sort out of is of the devil and what is of God). Sometimes you can only go on the 'gut' feelings God gives you, and my gut feeling was this couldn't be God closing a door, because it was allllll about money. A friend pointed out, that God had prepared our hearts for that very day. Honestly, I hate to admit it, but would we have continued had God not miraculously shown his power through money already. That super sneaky guy- He knew what he was doing- every single check that came in not only provided but PREPARED out hearts to jump harder in faith- knowing without one doubt He'll be there to catch us at the bottom.
although, I sound super confident now, I wasn't so in that very moment or even that very day- those words come from a few days later, but we were more or less pleading then. The word 'groaning' came to my mind then, and i thought Lord I know you have a verse for me with that word in it but I never looked it up. Just right now as I type up this post, I typed in 'groan' in search for scripture, and I found it. I can't begin to describe how perfect this verse is. I'm speechless for God' love.
'We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.' Romans 8:22-26
The very next day, and I'm still not sure how it happened, despite me truely knowing that the whole money thing was a ploy of the devil to get us to stop- somehow I was semi-convinced he should be with his birthmother. I even told somebody I didn't think we'd come home with him, ever. (shame, low point) I was 'feeling' bad, and the Devil knows my weaknesses, we have no know specific information up to this point, only bleeps of things here and there, with no way to connect all of them. So much is confidential.We had blindly walked in faith up to this point and God knew the devil was throwing my heart a curveball, so God made a move. He wanted us to continue to walk in confidence for Ellson's sake, and to press on but I was't sure on that then. He laid it all out one morning as I was feeding the kids breakfast, I don't really know how to share this story and make it public all while protecting Ellson's heart for the future-so bear with me as you assume the rest, haha- but let's just say we knew what the mother's face looked like, lots of things are made public on the state's correctional website, you just have to seek and find- so God gave me some mad research skills that morning, and I was able to come across loads of information about her. We knew it was bad, but we weren't necessarily prepared for how bad the situation really was, and the extent of how far and how deep of a life she was/is living. Instantly, it's as if God renewed our strength, and said- no matter what you can't give up. Don't lose heart, for my child cannot return to these people. He needs you, he relies on you, and you have to do everything you can to keep fighting.
So, I don't care what it takes, even if it takes things unimaginable or impossible- we will cling to God and let him take us where He leads. USE US, MOLD US, STRETCH OUR LIMITS, PUSH US TO UNCOMFORTABLE PLACES! Ellson is a child of His- ever so loved and ever so wanted- and nothing means more to God than having him safe! Everyone asks if we got to see him while we were down there, and no we didn't, we understand he is being protected and we want the same for him- consistency. But it's okay right now because my love for him run ever so deep that I don't need to see his face to know that. And that kinda love- can never be shaken. He is worth it, every child is worth it.
Just as I was hitting 'publish' to this post, my husband called. Our agency says they are getting the lawyer fees bill in the mail soon and that now they are saying they need to be paid before the 31st or they aren't going any further. The lawyer office has estimated the bill to be about $20,000. breath. Right now our agency is responsible for allllll those fees, but if we want to continue further they are all our bills. Then we have to pay for the $22,000 adoption fee on top of that. I'm trying really hard right now to meet them in the middle and work out a deal since the agency has to pay the bills anyways, but no ones budging right now. And they don't want to continue to the 31st date of actually getting him because they say they can't afford to accrue even more costs. I know it doesn't make sense. I feel like I was desparate before but..... we're at a cross-roads and I'm crying out to Jesus more than ever......we either 1. say we'll pay and hope the agency will pay some of it and we'll pay a good chunk of the lawyer fees, and that would take up all the money we have right now with nothing left. And continue to pray for an even larger miracle- for something, somewhere to come out the woodwork- for the $22,000 more we need. OR 2. We stop, we give up, our agency pulls out of the hearing on the 31st, they pay their $20,000 bill, the baby stays in foster care because it's already a fact he CAN'T be with his mother- with no one to adopt him in sight the only other option is to see if in a couple years if the supposed father 'attends classes' for a few years he MIGHT get him back, but I know what he's like, and he won't and it's obvious no one wants Ellson with him. Most likely, Ellson will grow up in foster care for at least 3 more years maybe more, until then he can be hopefully adopted from the state by someone else. But I really can't stomach that thought right now.
Isn't it funny how the devil works, THE MINUTE words fly out of my mouth (or fingers) he wants to TEST and distroy what I've said, every stinkin time I claim something I'm not fearful about he throws a big curveball in that specific direction- because he knows what would happen- he knows the type of man we would mold Ellson to be, the Christ-like heart he would behold not just impacting him, but impacting his children, and their children, and their children's children- It could be that the devil sees even a few generations down the road from Ellson, what would become of them if he was placed in our family and everything single one of those hearts are being fought for. This battle goes beyond us as parents and him as a child, this case has eternal implications as well as physical ones.
We have a brand new, football field sized, pole building on our property that we inherited when we moved here- I know the price to build it was around $30,000- anyone know if we can sell it or how? It's the only thing we own of worth.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Going Overdue
Sorry for the couple days delay in information, sometimes it''s just refreshing to 'go off the grid' for a day or two to get your thoughts together before responding to everyone. We want to thank you all for your continued love, support, guidance and prayers each and everyday- we are so blessed by all our friends, family, and even strangers we do not know us who care deeply for this little boy.
I should start off by annoucing his name..... although we do not know his real name yet due to confiidentiality within the state government, we are renaming him. We picked a name that would say 'you are ours, blood of our blood, flesh of our flesh- you are born just the same.' So we're naming him.....Ellson. We call him by name, the boys pray for him by name, his name is so ingrained, I imagine the day we do hear his 'real' name it'll be a little weird, hehe.
So, last week, on Wed. we hear from our attorney and he was hinting it would be a good idea if it was possible to be in Flordia for our court hearing on Monday- this court hearing was to be the last of the last (I feel as thought I've said this for months ;), I don't know how much I should really share about the hopes for the court hearing, but the goal was that in the end, if the best interest of the child was still to be in our family, then within 24 hours we would pick him up from foster care. So, anyways to make a long story short, we really needed to be in Flordia before Monday to appear and testify and all tha jazz. He asked me to get together a photo album, again. And with only God's grace, we were packed in two days and we started the drive.
We took the boys as we weren't sure how long we were go9ing to be in Flordia and we drove for the same reasons, we didn't want to rent a car for a month if that's how it ended up. The drive went great, the boys were awesome, I wanted to have time to make sure they have fun activates to do in the car, and snacks etv but I just couldn't get that together that fast, so when we rolled through my parents town, my mom had a whole bag of wrapped present for the boys to open up throughout the trip, some labled 'nighttime' with a toy that lighted up, and snack etc. It made the drive manageable. We did the drive in 3 days, staying at 2 hotels along the way. It was exciting and a new journey to embark on such a huge vacation as a family.
The whole trip, a big leap of faith, many people said, what if you don't get him, then the whole trip would be wasted, what if you get him then have to gibve him back? But in the midst of so much uncertainty, we have no control. We don't know enough to force the situation our way even we we wanted to, which even thought as badly as we want to KNOW, truely that doesn't matter- God is the only judge, the one one in charge, and I had to ask ourselves- if we didn't know anything but God asked us to jump would we? of course! So jumping we were, going againest anything that 'made' sense, and doing what we were sure of that God wanted us to do that day. Not tomorrow, not the next month, because surely the fears and doubt of all those days are too much to handle, to today it is. And today we know we're suppose to get in that car and start driving, and litterally God will reveal the next day. And even if, even if, could it be that God's plan would still be just as perfect, if all our journey was meant to go down and have him, hold him, sing to him, speak the name of Jesus in his ear, and cuddle him to sleep, if only for but a few days and we had to give him back, then yes it would all still be wonderful and still worth it. Hard and probably painful. But if that was the plan, the story for his and our lives and I get no other joy than knowing we followed and responded. I've learned so much about control, and HOW MUCH we don't realize we are in control of on a day to day basis, until it is stripped away, completely do I fully understand there are no 'what if's there are no 'making decisions', no mind can wander to fully trust that God's POWER will cover all.
God has prepared everything up to this point, many of you are unaware, but the days before this call, we were needing about $10,000 dollars to pay our agency once he was placed in our arms. Within the 11 days before we left, we had friends, family, strangers, heart were pouring out and in only 11 days, we received over $11,000 in the mail. This is the part where I have no idea what to say. utterly speechless. that just doesn't happen without God, people had no idea how much apart of Go'd provision they were being by giving. How silly to worry about money. After seeing and experiencing all we have seen daily in our mail box, I can't utter one worry about money. God knows the challenges of our life and how meak and little they are for him to conquer. How much he LOVES us, how much he cares for us, for Ellson. every dollar was God saying 'yes say yes, and I will do the rest.' We thank all of you for your prayers and money both needed just as badly, we thank you for taking that leap of faith, God spoke through your hearts, and nothing is more humbling.
The drive down, felt like we were walking into a physical battle, not many times do you feel like you're going to stare the devil straight in the eyes. I didn't feel prepared. my mother sent with me, praying in God's word, by Beth Moore. I read that out loud to Josh as he was driving, and we prepared our hearts through His scripture, to be able to walk in victory and crush our adversary. Because of reasons surrounding the case, we were advised to not speak our last names the minute we entered the court house, to blur out anything on the pictures we were bringing that suggested where we live, we even had to rent a car to drive to the court house once we were in Flordia so that the license plate wouldn't reveal the state and county we resided in. Our attorney prepared us for the hositlity we might feel as we entered.
The morning of the first hotel we stayed at, when we got down to our car, I noticed the air was almost completely out of one of the tires. We quick made our way to a gas station and filled it up, it seems to hold the air so we continued on. , we stopped in a Metroplis, IL, Home of superman! This town is little and off the interstate and it was fun to talk pictures with superman and stretch our legs. As we were eating, we noticed that once again all the air came out of the tire, as we got back in and took the car to another gas station to fill it up, we found the hole, poured water on it and saw the millions of bubbles coming out, it was coming out fast. We knew there was no other option than fixing the hole as we couldn't go any further. I ran inside and asked if there was a tire shop around,, another customer in line said he had just got his fixed and the shop was only but a few blocks away. We hopped in the car and drove into the shop, which we noticed was dark. I looked at the window, it said it closed at 1:00pm, I glanced at the clock- it was 1:06pm. We noticed there was still a few men in the back of the store and Josh ran, while he pounded on the glass to get their attention. They let him in and said they were closed, Josh asked if they could give him advice on what to do then, as they were the only tire place within miles. I see them talking, then the men talked amougest each other, and then the grage door was pulled up, a man jumped in our car to back it up and within seconds they were to work. THANK YOU GOD! They should have gotten a job with nascar they worked so fast, then as they realized where the hole was, they said, oh man we can't fix because of where the hole was. The men said I can't believe your tire hasn't poped, this tire should have poped on you looooong ago. We asked if there was another tire that matched if they had a new one, and they said, I really don't think we have this tire in, so he looked...Oh! he said we have one tire. within seconds they prepped it, fitted it and had a new tire on our car, as we were thanking them over and over and over. Josh went inside to pay, and the man said 'have a great trip and started to leave, Josh said wait, I need to pay you, and the guy said 'have a great trip.' But wait? uh?.......'have a great trip' and he left. It still makes me cry thinking of how God provided that day, people don't jut open up closed shops and give our free labor and free tires. God's provision was felt ever so strongly, and the amount of thanks we wanted to say just wasn't enough.
We arrived in Flordia on Sunday, we are staying with our dear friends house- wonderful awesome friends that God provided. Not just friends, like soul friends. Friends you have forever in your life, close, bonded- God given friends. Who, have opened their home and said, stay as long as you like. I don't think I've stressed how much they are needed and how grateful we are for them. We awoke on Monday, and started the drive to the court house. I told Josh I felt like we were in labor about to go to the hospital. It felt like Moses carrying his stick into Paraoahs court knowing he was instructed to throw his stick down to become a snake. Trusting God would pull it off, and his mighty power would be displayed. It felt anxious and calming at the same time. We walked up to the courtroom and we all had to wait outside, instantly we locked eyes with the birthfather and everyone else. Our attoney told us to walk away and wait in the lobby that in 15 minutes he would come out to get us to testify. If he came out and shook our hands, then something went wrong and the case was over with, we were to go back home without him and move on. If he were to come out and invte us into the courtroom then we would be proceeding further. So we waited.
15 minutes. Came and went, half hour, hour, then hour and a half went by. Our hearts could have exploded. We stayed in prayer almost the whole time,, almost comforting to know as I looked at Josh and he look at me, the intensity of the feelings we both shared spoke volumes. Praying for the judge, claiming victory over the devil, knowing there was a battle being fought while we were on the outside. 2 1/2 hours past (mind you all court hearing are about 1/2 hour and we watched several cases come and close, jurors by the masses go in and go out several times.) Finally after 2 1/2 hours our attoney came out and talked of the battle being fought. What the devil means for evil, God uses for Good. It happened that an important person in the case wasn't alb to come because she was sick. Without her testimony heard, there could no be a ruling decided by the judge. But still the judge wanted to hear it all, so they rbrought us in. I can't describe all the feelings, but we saw the birthmother for the first time, we locked eyes and I was glad to see a slight smile when I msmiled at her. I'm probably saying way too much, Josh was called up to the stand, just like in the movies. He swore in and was questioned by multiple lawyers for about 1/2 hour as our photo album was being passed around and then in the judge's hands. They escorted us out the minute we were done. And he said he'd call us as the hearing was to continue further.
We got in the car and well, I dunno. We felt despite all the challenges, everything went great, Josh spoke wonderfully and he carried himself just perfectly. I can't describe how proud I am of him, because I know the few minutes before he went up there, his heart felt the same as mine. Basically to wrap this up, our attorney said, everything could have been over and done with had this person showed up, but the judge wants to hear her testimoney before she rules, so there has to be set up ONE more hearing just to hear her, then because we finished everything else, then the judge would rule. The attoney said because of scheduling it couldn't be set up this week or the next. So right now, we don't know what we're doing. We'd have to come back in a couple weeks if we leave to get him, we're still praying and waiting for direction. We just don't know. We're reminded that God's timing is always perfect even if it makes no sense to us at the moment. I want to say lots more but, at the moment Emry is really needing a nap as he cries next to me, I'm gonna go be mom and God will do the rest, just as he was promised everyday of our lives.
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I should start off by annoucing his name..... although we do not know his real name yet due to confiidentiality within the state government, we are renaming him. We picked a name that would say 'you are ours, blood of our blood, flesh of our flesh- you are born just the same.' So we're naming him.....Ellson. We call him by name, the boys pray for him by name, his name is so ingrained, I imagine the day we do hear his 'real' name it'll be a little weird, hehe.
So, last week, on Wed. we hear from our attorney and he was hinting it would be a good idea if it was possible to be in Flordia for our court hearing on Monday- this court hearing was to be the last of the last (I feel as thought I've said this for months ;), I don't know how much I should really share about the hopes for the court hearing, but the goal was that in the end, if the best interest of the child was still to be in our family, then within 24 hours we would pick him up from foster care. So, anyways to make a long story short, we really needed to be in Flordia before Monday to appear and testify and all tha jazz. He asked me to get together a photo album, again. And with only God's grace, we were packed in two days and we started the drive.
We took the boys as we weren't sure how long we were go9ing to be in Flordia and we drove for the same reasons, we didn't want to rent a car for a month if that's how it ended up. The drive went great, the boys were awesome, I wanted to have time to make sure they have fun activates to do in the car, and snacks etv but I just couldn't get that together that fast, so when we rolled through my parents town, my mom had a whole bag of wrapped present for the boys to open up throughout the trip, some labled 'nighttime' with a toy that lighted up, and snack etc. It made the drive manageable. We did the drive in 3 days, staying at 2 hotels along the way. It was exciting and a new journey to embark on such a huge vacation as a family.
The whole trip, a big leap of faith, many people said, what if you don't get him, then the whole trip would be wasted, what if you get him then have to gibve him back? But in the midst of so much uncertainty, we have no control. We don't know enough to force the situation our way even we we wanted to, which even thought as badly as we want to KNOW, truely that doesn't matter- God is the only judge, the one one in charge, and I had to ask ourselves- if we didn't know anything but God asked us to jump would we? of course! So jumping we were, going againest anything that 'made' sense, and doing what we were sure of that God wanted us to do that day. Not tomorrow, not the next month, because surely the fears and doubt of all those days are too much to handle, to today it is. And today we know we're suppose to get in that car and start driving, and litterally God will reveal the next day. And even if, even if, could it be that God's plan would still be just as perfect, if all our journey was meant to go down and have him, hold him, sing to him, speak the name of Jesus in his ear, and cuddle him to sleep, if only for but a few days and we had to give him back, then yes it would all still be wonderful and still worth it. Hard and probably painful. But if that was the plan, the story for his and our lives and I get no other joy than knowing we followed and responded. I've learned so much about control, and HOW MUCH we don't realize we are in control of on a day to day basis, until it is stripped away, completely do I fully understand there are no 'what if's there are no 'making decisions', no mind can wander to fully trust that God's POWER will cover all.
God has prepared everything up to this point, many of you are unaware, but the days before this call, we were needing about $10,000 dollars to pay our agency once he was placed in our arms. Within the 11 days before we left, we had friends, family, strangers, heart were pouring out and in only 11 days, we received over $11,000 in the mail. This is the part where I have no idea what to say. utterly speechless. that just doesn't happen without God, people had no idea how much apart of Go'd provision they were being by giving. How silly to worry about money. After seeing and experiencing all we have seen daily in our mail box, I can't utter one worry about money. God knows the challenges of our life and how meak and little they are for him to conquer. How much he LOVES us, how much he cares for us, for Ellson. every dollar was God saying 'yes say yes, and I will do the rest.' We thank all of you for your prayers and money both needed just as badly, we thank you for taking that leap of faith, God spoke through your hearts, and nothing is more humbling.
The drive down, felt like we were walking into a physical battle, not many times do you feel like you're going to stare the devil straight in the eyes. I didn't feel prepared. my mother sent with me, praying in God's word, by Beth Moore. I read that out loud to Josh as he was driving, and we prepared our hearts through His scripture, to be able to walk in victory and crush our adversary. Because of reasons surrounding the case, we were advised to not speak our last names the minute we entered the court house, to blur out anything on the pictures we were bringing that suggested where we live, we even had to rent a car to drive to the court house once we were in Flordia so that the license plate wouldn't reveal the state and county we resided in. Our attorney prepared us for the hositlity we might feel as we entered.
The morning of the first hotel we stayed at, when we got down to our car, I noticed the air was almost completely out of one of the tires. We quick made our way to a gas station and filled it up, it seems to hold the air so we continued on. , we stopped in a Metroplis, IL, Home of superman! This town is little and off the interstate and it was fun to talk pictures with superman and stretch our legs. As we were eating, we noticed that once again all the air came out of the tire, as we got back in and took the car to another gas station to fill it up, we found the hole, poured water on it and saw the millions of bubbles coming out, it was coming out fast. We knew there was no other option than fixing the hole as we couldn't go any further. I ran inside and asked if there was a tire shop around,, another customer in line said he had just got his fixed and the shop was only but a few blocks away. We hopped in the car and drove into the shop, which we noticed was dark. I looked at the window, it said it closed at 1:00pm, I glanced at the clock- it was 1:06pm. We noticed there was still a few men in the back of the store and Josh ran, while he pounded on the glass to get their attention. They let him in and said they were closed, Josh asked if they could give him advice on what to do then, as they were the only tire place within miles. I see them talking, then the men talked amougest each other, and then the grage door was pulled up, a man jumped in our car to back it up and within seconds they were to work. THANK YOU GOD! They should have gotten a job with nascar they worked so fast, then as they realized where the hole was, they said, oh man we can't fix because of where the hole was. The men said I can't believe your tire hasn't poped, this tire should have poped on you looooong ago. We asked if there was another tire that matched if they had a new one, and they said, I really don't think we have this tire in, so he looked...Oh! he said we have one tire. within seconds they prepped it, fitted it and had a new tire on our car, as we were thanking them over and over and over. Josh went inside to pay, and the man said 'have a great trip and started to leave, Josh said wait, I need to pay you, and the guy said 'have a great trip.' But wait? uh?.......'have a great trip' and he left. It still makes me cry thinking of how God provided that day, people don't jut open up closed shops and give our free labor and free tires. God's provision was felt ever so strongly, and the amount of thanks we wanted to say just wasn't enough.
We arrived in Flordia on Sunday, we are staying with our dear friends house- wonderful awesome friends that God provided. Not just friends, like soul friends. Friends you have forever in your life, close, bonded- God given friends. Who, have opened their home and said, stay as long as you like. I don't think I've stressed how much they are needed and how grateful we are for them. We awoke on Monday, and started the drive to the court house. I told Josh I felt like we were in labor about to go to the hospital. It felt like Moses carrying his stick into Paraoahs court knowing he was instructed to throw his stick down to become a snake. Trusting God would pull it off, and his mighty power would be displayed. It felt anxious and calming at the same time. We walked up to the courtroom and we all had to wait outside, instantly we locked eyes with the birthfather and everyone else. Our attoney told us to walk away and wait in the lobby that in 15 minutes he would come out to get us to testify. If he came out and shook our hands, then something went wrong and the case was over with, we were to go back home without him and move on. If he were to come out and invte us into the courtroom then we would be proceeding further. So we waited.
15 minutes. Came and went, half hour, hour, then hour and a half went by. Our hearts could have exploded. We stayed in prayer almost the whole time,, almost comforting to know as I looked at Josh and he look at me, the intensity of the feelings we both shared spoke volumes. Praying for the judge, claiming victory over the devil, knowing there was a battle being fought while we were on the outside. 2 1/2 hours past (mind you all court hearing are about 1/2 hour and we watched several cases come and close, jurors by the masses go in and go out several times.) Finally after 2 1/2 hours our attoney came out and talked of the battle being fought. What the devil means for evil, God uses for Good. It happened that an important person in the case wasn't alb to come because she was sick. Without her testimony heard, there could no be a ruling decided by the judge. But still the judge wanted to hear it all, so they rbrought us in. I can't describe all the feelings, but we saw the birthmother for the first time, we locked eyes and I was glad to see a slight smile when I msmiled at her. I'm probably saying way too much, Josh was called up to the stand, just like in the movies. He swore in and was questioned by multiple lawyers for about 1/2 hour as our photo album was being passed around and then in the judge's hands. They escorted us out the minute we were done. And he said he'd call us as the hearing was to continue further.
We got in the car and well, I dunno. We felt despite all the challenges, everything went great, Josh spoke wonderfully and he carried himself just perfectly. I can't describe how proud I am of him, because I know the few minutes before he went up there, his heart felt the same as mine. Basically to wrap this up, our attorney said, everything could have been over and done with had this person showed up, but the judge wants to hear her testimoney before she rules, so there has to be set up ONE more hearing just to hear her, then because we finished everything else, then the judge would rule. The attoney said because of scheduling it couldn't be set up this week or the next. So right now, we don't know what we're doing. We'd have to come back in a couple weeks if we leave to get him, we're still praying and waiting for direction. We just don't know. We're reminded that God's timing is always perfect even if it makes no sense to us at the moment. I want to say lots more but, at the moment Emry is really needing a nap as he cries next to me, I'm gonna go be mom and God will do the rest, just as he was promised everyday of our lives.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
I Will Come For You...
Two nights ago, I sat down to make a shutterfly album/book, I was making this book as our 'profile' for our agency, a book that birthmothers would look at to pick you. This was the only thing standing the way of being matched was getting this done- yet it is SO overwhelming to condense you're entire life and who you are into a few pages of an album. I think I'd been kinda avoiding it because of how much pressure it was. So late one night I started and spent a good 4 hours, going through every album and adding all the pictures I liked, when I thought I was done I went to hit save and BAM like that- I hit cancel. with no time to take it back. All I could muster up was to wake Josh up and look at him with my lip stuck out. So I went to bed feeling like I accomplished NOTHING, and thought God tomorrow you have a new day promised.
It was about 3 something in the afternoon the next day- Josh was calling me frantically from work, but the boys and I were outside. He left a voicemail that said he will be unavailable from 4pm on but to call him ASAP before 4pm- I got the message at 3:59pm. But I saw he left a second message......By myself, I began to listen,he said:
'Our adoption agency contacted me and said they had a situation arise today, a mother signed over the rights of her baby to the agency and the baby is currently in the state's (Florida) care right now. It's a baby BOY!! He's 2 1/2 months old and he's Caucasian/Asian/African American. They want us to get back to them ASAP'
My heart flew through the roof. Hyperventilating and all. Thee huge amount of JOY I felt all packed into that moment was so intense, I don't think I can compare another moment like it. The prayer I shouted out had the boys wondered if I'd gone mad as I repeated the same praise over and over! I said to Emry 'guess what! We found our brother or sister! And it's a BROTHER! I wasn't sure if he would grasp the whole situation, but he totally did, his mouth went wide open, I could see the JOY in his eyes too! He shook his fists and yelled to Israel 'Ree, Ree! Did you hear that? We have another brother!!' then he asked 'Can we go pick him up right now?' :)
So without a second thought I raced to attach pictures to an email to our agency and I wrote 'We want him! We want him! We're willing! I don't care what time or day will be down there in a flash if needed' Since hearing that news, there has not been one single doubt in my mind- He is perfectly ours. The minute I heard that my heart was grafted with his. I don't have to exchange money, sign papers, go to court, and see a judge, to know HE IS OUR SON!
GOD IS SOOOOOOOOO WONDERFUL!! I don't think this blog has space to say how awesome HE truely is!! How rare of a situation this is, adoptions don't happen quite like this- But God has glorious plans. And for US to be picked, for this child to be for US! I don't ever need to see his face to know how incredibly special he is!!! Only God could pull out a plan like this!
Although there are still a lot of questions up in the air, we talked more with our agency today and right now, since the baby is in the state's care, there has to be 2 court dates to be set and wait for. Once those two court dates happen, whenever they are, I'm thinking we'll go down to Flordia for the last court date, then instantly the rights will be with our agency, which means we'll be down there in an instant!!!! This could be a couple weeks for a couple months, no one's sure right now how swift the process will be when it deals with the courts.
Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The excitement turned heavy today, as many of you mothers know all the intense feelings you feel for your children. I started realizing the situation. I wouldn't let a stranger watch either Emry or Israel for more than a minute, yet I have to endure these weeks of waiting while someone I don't even know takes care of him. I think of him and imgaine what his routine his like at 2 1/2 months, how his diaper would be getting changed, he'd probably be getting hungry right now, I hope he's being held while he cries. Nothing makes me yearn to be there with him when thinking of all those things. Last night Emry and I stared at all the stars knowing that those same ones are above his brothers head too, just MILES away. I'm trying oh so hard to calm the anxiety and know that God is holding him ever so close. 'Nothing in this world could stop my love for you, I loved you before I even knew you. You are ours, and I am your mother. You are wanted, and you are loved.' I repeat over and over in hopes miles away he can hear my voice saying:
'I will not leave you as an orphan; I WILL come for you' John 14:18
We would more than appreciate the prayer warriors to assemble :o)
- that the devil has no hand in this process
- that the court dates and hearings would be done swiftly and smoothly
- that paperwork is supernaturally finished and approved
- that God continues to open doors and people respond
My mother in law sent me a devotional today and the prayer fit perfectly, 'Heavenly Father, thank You for another day to serve You. Thank You for the gift of faith. Help me to hold fast to Your promises today. I choose to set my focus on You. Give me strength to stand knowing that You will complete what You started in my life! In Jesus' Name. Amen!'
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It was about 3 something in the afternoon the next day- Josh was calling me frantically from work, but the boys and I were outside. He left a voicemail that said he will be unavailable from 4pm on but to call him ASAP before 4pm- I got the message at 3:59pm. But I saw he left a second message......By myself, I began to listen,he said:
'Our adoption agency contacted me and said they had a situation arise today, a mother signed over the rights of her baby to the agency and the baby is currently in the state's (Florida) care right now. It's a baby BOY!! He's 2 1/2 months old and he's Caucasian/Asian/African American. They want us to get back to them ASAP'
My heart flew through the roof. Hyperventilating and all. Thee huge amount of JOY I felt all packed into that moment was so intense, I don't think I can compare another moment like it. The prayer I shouted out had the boys wondered if I'd gone mad as I repeated the same praise over and over! I said to Emry 'guess what! We found our brother or sister! And it's a BROTHER! I wasn't sure if he would grasp the whole situation, but he totally did, his mouth went wide open, I could see the JOY in his eyes too! He shook his fists and yelled to Israel 'Ree, Ree! Did you hear that? We have another brother!!' then he asked 'Can we go pick him up right now?' :)
So without a second thought I raced to attach pictures to an email to our agency and I wrote 'We want him! We want him! We're willing! I don't care what time or day will be down there in a flash if needed' Since hearing that news, there has not been one single doubt in my mind- He is perfectly ours. The minute I heard that my heart was grafted with his. I don't have to exchange money, sign papers, go to court, and see a judge, to know HE IS OUR SON!
GOD IS SOOOOOOOOO WONDERFUL!! I don't think this blog has space to say how awesome HE truely is!! How rare of a situation this is, adoptions don't happen quite like this- But God has glorious plans. And for US to be picked, for this child to be for US! I don't ever need to see his face to know how incredibly special he is!!! Only God could pull out a plan like this!
Although there are still a lot of questions up in the air, we talked more with our agency today and right now, since the baby is in the state's care, there has to be 2 court dates to be set and wait for. Once those two court dates happen, whenever they are, I'm thinking we'll go down to Flordia for the last court date, then instantly the rights will be with our agency, which means we'll be down there in an instant!!!! This could be a couple weeks for a couple months, no one's sure right now how swift the process will be when it deals with the courts.
Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The excitement turned heavy today, as many of you mothers know all the intense feelings you feel for your children. I started realizing the situation. I wouldn't let a stranger watch either Emry or Israel for more than a minute, yet I have to endure these weeks of waiting while someone I don't even know takes care of him. I think of him and imgaine what his routine his like at 2 1/2 months, how his diaper would be getting changed, he'd probably be getting hungry right now, I hope he's being held while he cries. Nothing makes me yearn to be there with him when thinking of all those things. Last night Emry and I stared at all the stars knowing that those same ones are above his brothers head too, just MILES away. I'm trying oh so hard to calm the anxiety and know that God is holding him ever so close. 'Nothing in this world could stop my love for you, I loved you before I even knew you. You are ours, and I am your mother. You are wanted, and you are loved.' I repeat over and over in hopes miles away he can hear my voice saying:
'I will not leave you as an orphan; I WILL come for you' John 14:18
We would more than appreciate the prayer warriors to assemble :o)
- that the devil has no hand in this process
- that the court dates and hearings would be done swiftly and smoothly
- that paperwork is supernaturally finished and approved
- that God continues to open doors and people respond
My mother in law sent me a devotional today and the prayer fit perfectly, 'Heavenly Father, thank You for another day to serve You. Thank You for the gift of faith. Help me to hold fast to Your promises today. I choose to set my focus on You. Give me strength to stand knowing that You will complete what You started in my life! In Jesus' Name. Amen!'
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Broken But Not Destroyed
Do not be afraid...Do not let your hand fall limp.
The Lord your God is in your midst, a victorious warrior.
Zephaniah 3:16-17
Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle; my lovingkindness and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer.
Psalm 144:1
This last week has been a story to be told- evidence of a spiritual warfare going on in this world. I'm not sure what the future has in store, who our child is, the plans God has for our adoptive child, how they will shape and mold this world for generations to come but all I know is our adversary, the devil, wants to make everything very difficult in hopes we give up.
In Luke 10:19 it says ' Behold, I have given you authority.....over all the power of the enemy'
How awesome it is, that God has given us the authority over Satan. I think it's very important how I teach Emry and Israel, the view of Satan. A lot of things that shape how our children view our enemy, is things like- dark, scary, mean, dominant- and although all those things are very true of Satan. I want our children to walk in victory instead of defeat- so everytime the devil is discussed I them them that he is VERY small, with a TINY high pitched voice, and God TOWERS over Him! I think if they know from the beginning that he is nothing to be feared the foundation will be layed of walking in victory and later in life they won't struggle as much with defeat- because they will be confident his evilness has no match for them or God!
God is waging a war with Satan, who coveted the power and glory of God. The battle that resulted from that attempted 'takeover' was won at the Cross, but the war will not be finished until Christ returns. God hasn't absolved us from the combat, but He equips us to fight through it.
Just on Tuesday, on what was one of the hottest days of the summer so far, we were at a friend's house playing with their kids while they went into town. When they returned later, we lolly gagged around talking and our friend gave us a check, I told her it was not needed but once she slipped it into our diaper bag I thought- I'll put it towards our adoption fund. Just outside the car, Josh was still busy talking as usual ;) so I thought I'd take the spare time to get both boys in the car, I entered through the drivers door and reached over the back to put Israel in his seat and buckle him into his carseat, then put Emry in his and buckled him in as well. I needed both hands free, so I took the keys and threw them into my seat. Once I was done, I shut the door and had plans to walk over to my door and enter, but before I could take one step- the minute the door slammed...
I heard all the locks lock down.
That sound is still so clear in my mind. Instantly I yelled to Josh- the doors are locked! They just locked! We have a fairly new car, and the feature that sold me on it to begin with was it's inabilitly to lock the keys in the car, unless the key is in the ignition. I've have tried several times for this very reason, and it automatically unlocks the minute they lock- virtually impossible.
In that moment, our friends and us were out there trying to get the kids out. He was trying so hard to pry the drivers door open, with hangers, wrenches and what not. And the rest of us were instructing Emry how to try to get out of his carseat. The boys were so hot in the car, and they just kept getting more and more worked up, crying and screaming. Emry was such a trooper he'd calm down enough and tried so hard get out but the 3 latches on his carseat were just too hard to undo. He tried reaching the lock but his arms weren't long enough, he even tried forever to reach the lock with his toes. No words can explain how desperate he was to get out of there but how frustrated he was that he couldn't get out of his carseat. And between us yelling through the door and Israel screaming in his other ear, he couldn't catch much but crazniess. We just kept thinking any second someone would get it unlocked. The kids had been in there too long, and I told our friend to go call 911. Her husband, was still working so hard to pry the lock open through the top of the door and we just thought he was so close. By now the kids had been in the car a good 15-20 minutes and the police or a recker hadn't shown up. I had never seen that much sweat on them they were just drenched, then, Israel stopped crying. And his stare went blank and his eyes went weird- the next seconds were blurred, as my friend and I both screamed, Josh with all his adrenaline shattered the window and before I could blink he had them out of there.
We ran them into the house, all of us crying and everyone involved shook up. They spent the next half hour drinking an electrolyte drink and cooling down then eating. They both seemed much better once we got them inside. Bless his heart, poor Emry was so so so concerned for the window. The minute Josh broke it, the first words out of his mouth weren't for himself it was the window! He'd finally get calmed down then he'd burst out in tears for the window. Trying to explain to him that a window doesn't matter when compared to his safety was more difficult than anything.
As we left to go home, the wind was blowing like crazy throughout the car and although our heart rate was not yet quite back to normal, it was a sense of freedom. I thought this window symbolized a lot. That the devil has no hold over us, Jesus has broken all chains, and it is only in HIM we have the authority to crush satan and be victorious! I saved the pieces of glass from the window. I want to use it somehow and have it in our house- as a reminder. Nothing is too tough, too hard, to difficult- nothing! He breaks down all boundaries and all barriers and saves us. Our battle is never lost. As we turned up the radio on our way home 'Our God is Greater, Our God is Stronger, God you higher than any Other....' was playing. We sang loudly for all the corn we were surrounded by to hear.
I shouldn't have been surprised, defeat has showed up in all areas of our life lately as I have numerous other weird stories. A couple weeks ago, it dawned on me that we needed to 'suit up' we needed to be vigilent and prepare for satan when he shows up. Times were getting tougher, and I was found as a puddle on the floor crying more often in frustration and defeat. I cried to God that I literally can't do this without Him, I have no amount of strength to fight through. He whispers 'let me be your strength', thank goodness God always shows up when we have nothing left emotionally to give...
Whom have I in heaven but thee?
And besides Thee, I desire nothing on earth.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion FOREVER!'
Psalm 73:25-26
Through all these trials, God is preparing us for a battle.God has given us the opportunity to train and prepare, He gives us the sword of the Spirit and the full armor of God. And we must at all times move in confidence.....
'Put on all the full armor of God, that you may be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, againest the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.
Ephesians 6:11-12
Nothing can explain why our doors all locked, no one was near them they were untouched! But something tells me I don't have to look far to know that it is part of an assult our adversary is planning through this adoption journey. But what Satan means for evil- God, however intends for good.
Today as we called around junk yards trying to find a replacement. We found one and the guy wanted $75 dollars for it, we said, great! We'll come and pick it up, to which he said, woah, you won't be able to pick it up for another week while we pull it out of the car. We thought maybe we should keep calling since a week was pretty long to go without a window to hold in the air conditioning. We called and called and the last junk yard we called said, I don't have one but I know someone who does. He gave us a name of someone who doesn't even have their buisness in the phone book and you can't find him online- We called him up and he said he had one! and we could pick it up today!!!! and the price? $30.00- the exact same amount our friends wrote us a check for that night. :)
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The Lord your God is in your midst, a victorious warrior.
Zephaniah 3:16-17
Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle; my lovingkindness and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer.
Psalm 144:1
This last week has been a story to be told- evidence of a spiritual warfare going on in this world. I'm not sure what the future has in store, who our child is, the plans God has for our adoptive child, how they will shape and mold this world for generations to come but all I know is our adversary, the devil, wants to make everything very difficult in hopes we give up.
In Luke 10:19 it says ' Behold, I have given you authority.....over all the power of the enemy'
How awesome it is, that God has given us the authority over Satan. I think it's very important how I teach Emry and Israel, the view of Satan. A lot of things that shape how our children view our enemy, is things like- dark, scary, mean, dominant- and although all those things are very true of Satan. I want our children to walk in victory instead of defeat- so everytime the devil is discussed I them them that he is VERY small, with a TINY high pitched voice, and God TOWERS over Him! I think if they know from the beginning that he is nothing to be feared the foundation will be layed of walking in victory and later in life they won't struggle as much with defeat- because they will be confident his evilness has no match for them or God!
God is waging a war with Satan, who coveted the power and glory of God. The battle that resulted from that attempted 'takeover' was won at the Cross, but the war will not be finished until Christ returns. God hasn't absolved us from the combat, but He equips us to fight through it.
Just on Tuesday, on what was one of the hottest days of the summer so far, we were at a friend's house playing with their kids while they went into town. When they returned later, we lolly gagged around talking and our friend gave us a check, I told her it was not needed but once she slipped it into our diaper bag I thought- I'll put it towards our adoption fund. Just outside the car, Josh was still busy talking as usual ;) so I thought I'd take the spare time to get both boys in the car, I entered through the drivers door and reached over the back to put Israel in his seat and buckle him into his carseat, then put Emry in his and buckled him in as well. I needed both hands free, so I took the keys and threw them into my seat. Once I was done, I shut the door and had plans to walk over to my door and enter, but before I could take one step- the minute the door slammed...
I heard all the locks lock down.
That sound is still so clear in my mind. Instantly I yelled to Josh- the doors are locked! They just locked! We have a fairly new car, and the feature that sold me on it to begin with was it's inabilitly to lock the keys in the car, unless the key is in the ignition. I've have tried several times for this very reason, and it automatically unlocks the minute they lock- virtually impossible.
In that moment, our friends and us were out there trying to get the kids out. He was trying so hard to pry the drivers door open, with hangers, wrenches and what not. And the rest of us were instructing Emry how to try to get out of his carseat. The boys were so hot in the car, and they just kept getting more and more worked up, crying and screaming. Emry was such a trooper he'd calm down enough and tried so hard get out but the 3 latches on his carseat were just too hard to undo. He tried reaching the lock but his arms weren't long enough, he even tried forever to reach the lock with his toes. No words can explain how desperate he was to get out of there but how frustrated he was that he couldn't get out of his carseat. And between us yelling through the door and Israel screaming in his other ear, he couldn't catch much but crazniess. We just kept thinking any second someone would get it unlocked. The kids had been in there too long, and I told our friend to go call 911. Her husband, was still working so hard to pry the lock open through the top of the door and we just thought he was so close. By now the kids had been in the car a good 15-20 minutes and the police or a recker hadn't shown up. I had never seen that much sweat on them they were just drenched, then, Israel stopped crying. And his stare went blank and his eyes went weird- the next seconds were blurred, as my friend and I both screamed, Josh with all his adrenaline shattered the window and before I could blink he had them out of there.
We ran them into the house, all of us crying and everyone involved shook up. They spent the next half hour drinking an electrolyte drink and cooling down then eating. They both seemed much better once we got them inside. Bless his heart, poor Emry was so so so concerned for the window. The minute Josh broke it, the first words out of his mouth weren't for himself it was the window! He'd finally get calmed down then he'd burst out in tears for the window. Trying to explain to him that a window doesn't matter when compared to his safety was more difficult than anything.
As we left to go home, the wind was blowing like crazy throughout the car and although our heart rate was not yet quite back to normal, it was a sense of freedom. I thought this window symbolized a lot. That the devil has no hold over us, Jesus has broken all chains, and it is only in HIM we have the authority to crush satan and be victorious! I saved the pieces of glass from the window. I want to use it somehow and have it in our house- as a reminder. Nothing is too tough, too hard, to difficult- nothing! He breaks down all boundaries and all barriers and saves us. Our battle is never lost. As we turned up the radio on our way home 'Our God is Greater, Our God is Stronger, God you higher than any Other....' was playing. We sang loudly for all the corn we were surrounded by to hear.
I shouldn't have been surprised, defeat has showed up in all areas of our life lately as I have numerous other weird stories. A couple weeks ago, it dawned on me that we needed to 'suit up' we needed to be vigilent and prepare for satan when he shows up. Times were getting tougher, and I was found as a puddle on the floor crying more often in frustration and defeat. I cried to God that I literally can't do this without Him, I have no amount of strength to fight through. He whispers 'let me be your strength', thank goodness God always shows up when we have nothing left emotionally to give...
Whom have I in heaven but thee?
And besides Thee, I desire nothing on earth.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion FOREVER!'
Psalm 73:25-26
Through all these trials, God is preparing us for a battle.God has given us the opportunity to train and prepare, He gives us the sword of the Spirit and the full armor of God. And we must at all times move in confidence.....
'Put on all the full armor of God, that you may be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, againest the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.
Ephesians 6:11-12
Nothing can explain why our doors all locked, no one was near them they were untouched! But something tells me I don't have to look far to know that it is part of an assult our adversary is planning through this adoption journey. But what Satan means for evil- God, however intends for good.
Today as we called around junk yards trying to find a replacement. We found one and the guy wanted $75 dollars for it, we said, great! We'll come and pick it up, to which he said, woah, you won't be able to pick it up for another week while we pull it out of the car. We thought maybe we should keep calling since a week was pretty long to go without a window to hold in the air conditioning. We called and called and the last junk yard we called said, I don't have one but I know someone who does. He gave us a name of someone who doesn't even have their buisness in the phone book and you can't find him online- We called him up and he said he had one! and we could pick it up today!!!! and the price? $30.00- the exact same amount our friends wrote us a check for that night. :)
Monday, July 18, 2011
Hansen's Dairy: Hudson, Iowa
A few weeks back when we had our adoption investigator finish our homestudy, Josh had taken the day off but the homestudy was already done by 10am, so we thought we should take advantage of all that time together and do something fun I've been eyeing for a long time- so I called up Hansen's Dairy Creamery to see if we could get a tour in that day and they said we could join the 'hands on' tour! What fun it was!! Everyone in the Hansen family is so kind- and it's awesome to see the dynamics of each person playing a role in the family farm. Makes me think of the great greats who started that farm over a hundred years ago, if only they could see it working now, I know they'd be proud of how down to earth they have kept it in the midst of 'big companies' doing the same. Here's a few pictures of that day, after seeing them take care of hundreds of cows, it sure made it seem possible to at least have one cow someday ;o) I mean we're practically pros at this cow stuff now....hehe
Here's their website: www.hansendairy.com
Wallaby's! The Farm and business 'mascot' :)
He was thrilled to see the cows!
We all got to milk them!
Emry makin friends :)
Emry was amazed of how much they drink and how fast they drink it! :)
In Love :)
They like to lick!
Offering his arm as a snack ;)~
They gave us a little cream in a jar, then we shook it like crazy and.....
We made butter!
Israel likes butter!
Then we all got to pick out ice cream! yummy.
By far one of their favorite parts, we had to pull them away from this fake cow to leave, haha
Tiny Hands doing Big Work!
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Here's their website: www.hansendairy.com
Wallaby's! The Farm and business 'mascot' :)
He was thrilled to see the cows!
We all got to milk them!
Emry makin friends :)
Emry was amazed of how much they drink and how fast they drink it! :)
In Love :)
They like to lick!
Offering his arm as a snack ;)~
They gave us a little cream in a jar, then we shook it like crazy and.....
We made butter!
Israel likes butter!
Then we all got to pick out ice cream! yummy.
By far one of their favorite parts, we had to pull them away from this fake cow to leave, haha
Tiny Hands doing Big Work!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Fundraising for Adoption: Face Painting/Balloon Animals
Introducing our first fundraising idea!
I got this idea after we all went to the circus and got Emry's face painted, this lady was good, and fast and charged an arm and a leg and still parents and kids were lined up for hours. So as I'm infamous for doing, I thought- man I can try that, ask for donations and make this a fun fundraiser for our adoption! So I researched for a while, found the face makeup I wanted to use, ordered online and then ordered a package of twisting balloons too. When the order came in I placed the balloons on the dining room table (this whole time I knew what I was doing, I wanted Josh to stand next to me and make balloon animals, but I wanted it to be his idea, ha!) I made a sly comment when he came home, he kinda rolled his eyes, but I knew the sillyness of twisting balloon for a guy was too irresistable- that night I caught him on the internet looking up ideas.....so what did he come home with the next day? He stopped at Walmart and bought a pump and went crazy! haha. Josh makes some stinkin cool pink poodles, swords, flowers, crazy hats, etc. oh no, now it's public and everyone in his office should demand his skills to be shown! ;o)~
This is what we've been up to nightly- it's been a fun Emry and mom time! He LOVES getting his face painted, he would sit for hours, and gosh if I could only post all the 50 faces of Emry from one photo shoot after I get done doing his face, he pulls out all the stops- gives me a good laugh :) Now my only problem is I REALLY need to find some girls cause I have lots of 'girl' ideas, butterflies, tiaras, tigeress, etc. and need some models so I can take a picture for my board! :o)
But I've been busy trying to find fairs, farmers markets, town celebrations, emailing anyone and everyone to set up.....currently we'll be at:
Central City 4th of July Celebration- Central City, IA @ the Fairgrounds. Mon. July 4th, From 3pm-til the fireworks start. We'll be located by the Boy Scouts who will be serving food!
Once I send in the form:
Colo Crossroads Festival- http://colocrossroads.blogspot.com/ -Colo, IA, Sat. July 9th, We'll be in the park starting at 11am on.
Puckerbrush Days- Forest City, IA Saturday July 16th all day
and I'm hoping once I hear back to be able to be at:
Pork Days- Center Point, IA July 21st-23rd
I've also contacted one farmers market and a couple other fairs, but still waiting to hear back.
So I'm really really pumped, it'll be Josh and I next to eachother, I doing face paint and him doing balloon animals- we can be identified by our big rainbow colored umbrella we used at the farmers market last year! This will be a fun adventure and memories and stories to tell our child, that we would do anything for them! I'm excited to see how God uses this!
We would love your help in this, if you know of anyone in charge of any sort of event, or have some event in mind that you think I should contact, please email me or comment your suggestions: hershey007@hotmail.com I'd love that!
The snake is in memory of Noah Y. :) Everytime Emry shows someone this picture of himself he says 'And this is my Noah snake!'. Noah was Emry's friend who is currently dancing in heaven with Jesus, but when he was in the hospital he got his face painted just as such, Emry talked about it so much he asked if I could do 'a Noah snake!'
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I got this idea after we all went to the circus and got Emry's face painted, this lady was good, and fast and charged an arm and a leg and still parents and kids were lined up for hours. So as I'm infamous for doing, I thought- man I can try that, ask for donations and make this a fun fundraiser for our adoption! So I researched for a while, found the face makeup I wanted to use, ordered online and then ordered a package of twisting balloons too. When the order came in I placed the balloons on the dining room table (this whole time I knew what I was doing, I wanted Josh to stand next to me and make balloon animals, but I wanted it to be his idea, ha!) I made a sly comment when he came home, he kinda rolled his eyes, but I knew the sillyness of twisting balloon for a guy was too irresistable- that night I caught him on the internet looking up ideas.....so what did he come home with the next day? He stopped at Walmart and bought a pump and went crazy! haha. Josh makes some stinkin cool pink poodles, swords, flowers, crazy hats, etc. oh no, now it's public and everyone in his office should demand his skills to be shown! ;o)~
This is what we've been up to nightly- it's been a fun Emry and mom time! He LOVES getting his face painted, he would sit for hours, and gosh if I could only post all the 50 faces of Emry from one photo shoot after I get done doing his face, he pulls out all the stops- gives me a good laugh :) Now my only problem is I REALLY need to find some girls cause I have lots of 'girl' ideas, butterflies, tiaras, tigeress, etc. and need some models so I can take a picture for my board! :o)
But I've been busy trying to find fairs, farmers markets, town celebrations, emailing anyone and everyone to set up.....currently we'll be at:
Central City 4th of July Celebration- Central City, IA @ the Fairgrounds. Mon. July 4th, From 3pm-til the fireworks start. We'll be located by the Boy Scouts who will be serving food!
Once I send in the form:
Colo Crossroads Festival- http://colocrossroads.blogspot.com/ -Colo, IA, Sat. July 9th, We'll be in the park starting at 11am on.
Puckerbrush Days- Forest City, IA Saturday July 16th all day
and I'm hoping once I hear back to be able to be at:
Pork Days- Center Point, IA July 21st-23rd
I've also contacted one farmers market and a couple other fairs, but still waiting to hear back.
So I'm really really pumped, it'll be Josh and I next to eachother, I doing face paint and him doing balloon animals- we can be identified by our big rainbow colored umbrella we used at the farmers market last year! This will be a fun adventure and memories and stories to tell our child, that we would do anything for them! I'm excited to see how God uses this!
We would love your help in this, if you know of anyone in charge of any sort of event, or have some event in mind that you think I should contact, please email me or comment your suggestions: hershey007@hotmail.com I'd love that!
The snake is in memory of Noah Y. :) Everytime Emry shows someone this picture of himself he says 'And this is my Noah snake!'. Noah was Emry's friend who is currently dancing in heaven with Jesus, but when he was in the hospital he got his face painted just as such, Emry talked about it so much he asked if I could do 'a Noah snake!'
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